Every day that drifts by without gripping a die its an X on my cal and I’ll tell you why, i got stacks of character sheets and the stats are really sweet my homie asked if i wanted to meet some lovely ladies at the bar for a drink, I had to stop and think, ahumm is this my kind of activity, will this encounter gain me XP. Chorus: rolling im not talking Mary Jane spliffs listen up bitch i roll critical hits. I'd rather be rolling I'm not cruising in a hot ride I drop plenty heat with polyhedron di I'd rather be rolling but not the ten pin kind I bowl ropers down and make they rocky asses mine I'd rather be rolling my party crawls mad deep, I love my dice so much they in my hand when I sleep Roll out the dough, I love pizza and scones, I prefer rollin bones and playing retro clones. Pastry chefs bring croissants and tarts, but my heart”s in game mechanics, tables & charts Fine dining and eating rare steaks don’t compare to killing kings and riding fire drakes I know you mean well in bringing me here, but I rather roll saves than drink craft beer Chorus: rolling im not talking Mary Jane spliffs listen up bitch i roll critical hits. I'd rather be rolling I'm not cruising in a hot ride I drop plenty heat with polyhedron di I'd rather be rolling but not the ten pin kind I bowl ropers down and make they rocky asses mine I'd rather be rolling my party crawls mad deep, I love my dice so much they in my hand when I sleep New movies out tonight the ladies are going ryan goslings new romantic comedy is showin but i’m blowin them off, straight ignorin they scoff, cause the DM’s taking the group to castle Ravenloft, home girls suggestin mid movie neckin,I’m emoji textin a shrug, I prefer to battle strahd, I could kill some popcorn, but I’ll kill dark lords and maybe a demi god. Chorus: rolling im not talking Mary Jane spliffs listen up bitch i roll critical hits. I'd rather be rolling I'm not cruising in a hot ride I drop plenty heat with polyhedron di I'd rather be rolling but not the ten pin kind I bowl ropers down and make they rocky asses mine I'd rather be rolling my party crawls mad deep, I love my dice so much they in my hand when I sleep We roll hard on the battlemat, magic and combat, while you battle rap inside your mom's laundromat The Rolling Stones can’t roll with us, please, We stab Jagger with a dagger and kick Keith in his teeth.. Rollin’ down the street in my six-four? naw I’d rather roll dice and kill a cave troll d6 and d4 is what I seize We escaped the nine hells to DM and MC Chorus: rolling im not talking Mary Jane spliffs listen up bitch i roll critical hits. I'd rather be rolling I'm not cruising in a hot ride I drop plenty heat with polyhedron di I'd rather be rolling but not the ten pin kind I bowl ropers down and make they rocky asses mine I'd rather be rolling my party crawls mad deep, I love my dice so much they in my hand when I sleep

Yo Dragon Warrior What up Tiger Wizard? Let’s get geared up for this shit. Fuck yeah You know how we do Always. First thing everyday I prepare my list, bristling silos full of missiles that always hit, Level one spell slots don’t mean a thing to me, because everythings empowered meta magic ain’t free, I spent my GP on these Vecna pieces, with a hand around my neck my ring game increases, I’m the OG, OP mage of your dreams and my O T T O make you dance till you scream. It’s irresistible. Yo, check out my man, Dragon Warrior Pick up the whetstone and sharpen the blade. If we don’t start murdering we don’t get paid. Lace up my boots of swiftness, never listless, clearing dungeon halls, never leave a witness Place my helm of brilliance upon my head, flaming weapons turn the battlefield bloody red Dragonscale on my bracers of relentless might, I’ll destroy an army, I’m the tank in every fight Kill em all and let other gods sort them out Shit, you know any good wizards? You know anybody? What up Tiger Wizard! Mordankainan and Bigby auto dial on my cell but I only call lightning ring the doorbell to hell, i spit fireballs twice as big as your home, a wizard smoked you out we get ioun stoned, I’m decked out with many things dealing shuffled bones, and when your card is pulled we savoring the groans, I’m the coldest of cones my pointed hat is so icy, Misty step off son fore Dragon Warrior gets Knifey, He’s gonna cut you I slit throats like its going outta style. But it ain’t Yo bring the heat on this one son! Always I know you do Vorpal blade martial forms go Snicker-snack, fill the slaying arrows, quill on my back Returning throwing axes line my hips my disciples touch their living God, prayer on their lips Grab the spear I stole from Odin, the hammer of Thor, reveal the yellow sign I took from Hastur Tiger Wizard gives me haste, and strength of the bull, we burst into the tavern. Barkeep make my cup full

Sketch: not Ghostbusters commercial... TIGER: Are you troubled by strange noises in the middle of the night? DRAGON: Do you experience feelings of dread in your basement or subterranean dwelling? TIGER: Have you or any of your family ever seen a ratfolk, hook horror or Svirfneblin? DRAGON: If the answer is yes, then don't wait another minute. Go to a forest glade, put two drops of frog's blood on a lily pad, wait for a pixie to form and call the professionals by reciting the power words... TIGER: & DRAGON: Underdark Exterminators! TIGER: Our courteous and efficient staff is on call twenty-four hours a day to serve all your underworld elimination needs. TIGER & DRAGON: We're ready to kill for you! You got a problem below I'm bringing relief, I'll throw an elbow at any drow noble chief, These pc's swarmin on your cave like bees, set some gp bait they like rats to cheese, snap goes the trap and they dispatched with ease. murder underground for some reasonable fees. xorn with a glock or deep cave cloaker, I'll take them all down like tupac shakur, no one in this cave is strong enough to scare me, We'll wipe out a spider throng so you can live carefree. I'm a cunning killing fox, and my tools are no gimmick, replace the demon queens jewelry box with a mimic, aw shit direct hit a puff of smoke and that was it, clean the blood of my blade with a lil bit of spit I'm not debating cost priceline negotiator payment up front for underdark exterminator. Listen up lads we're here cause you called Underdark Exterminators kill everything that crawls Sometimes with two legs like Duergar and Drow Order now and get this free logo towel We move into the darkness, sun rods lit Gnomish vacuum sucks up Vampiric mist Punching Gricks with pneumatic fists Talk to any pixie to join our mailing list We tie tentacle knots in illithid faces mass genocide of monstrous races salt green slimes, black pudding bakin' Think anyone's better? you're mistaken You don't need a maid to do these chores Pestered by tentamort or gas spores?​ We kill the horrors beneath your floor boards Underdark Exterminators Half price deals for plucking lolths legs off, only ten chests of gold and the deed to ravenloft. Zombie problems with a yellow musk creeper? Hiring UEs has never been cheaper, Clearing cobwebs like a real sweet sweeper, every spider that sees us has just seen the grim reaper Morlock stink giving you a bad cough? Found a cult of Yog-sothoth? Call your friendly poison facilitators Underdark Exterminators Umber Hulk tunnel invading your larder, dial our toll free number no move has been smarter Are your cavern tubes splattered with guts like lube If you act now we'll rent you our gelatinous cube slimy grimy oozes bounce like boobs on youtube head smack like men in black on tony shalhoub Sure we give discounts, we're not afraid to barter If we keep all the loot we carouse that much harder So when you spy a half shark half alligator only one call Underdark Exterminators bold Fomorian soldier i'm like a can of raid I turn a cold shoulder as they smolder and get paid Got gremlins fuxing with your vents and ducts? You know who to call when your out of luck Don't be a shmuck and let these rude ropers run amok our attack is a prelude to a monster meat potluck Are your children afraid of Undead shadows and shades Fear not. We have an arsenal of holy hand grenades In your phone book earmark us for later when the scum shows up Underdark Exterminators kings of killing, no monarch greater rely on the Underdark Exterminators

Welcome to the league of killers with hidden faces unseen even when hidden in obvious spaces, extra d6 from our mortal embraces, precision killin no clues and no traces, every marks erased dead, and nothings wasted make garrotes from your fuckin shoe laces all the stealthy races, unlisted data bases, when asked where we come from… lots of different places 18 seconds to find your weakness shadow step up behind take ya last breath, smooth knife moves due to dagger finnesse ninja assassins run this murder biznas. We massacre villages with toxic nerf guns The shogun of the dark, stealth murders one-on-one L5R secret armies of Rokugan,slit a lions throat, my clan is Scorpion Backstab multipliers in the double digits, HP bleeding out of punk ass snitches Poison hexes from shinobi witches, we take orders from ancient shinto liches Ninjas want to kill me, underneath my bed Ninjas want to kill me, slice off my head Yo, strength I don’t flex got my wisdom and Dex, I’m the sneaky shogun killer that nobody detects walking nightingale floors with the weight of insects, dead bodies in the morning leave the guards perplexed, kunai and shuriken are the tools of my trade, katana take you out with a razor sharp blade, and if i’m in a pickle and they tryin bring the drama then they get the chain and sickle that’s my kusari gama, so if you got beef with a crooked official, don’t turn to the wizard with that weak ass magic missile, the situation calls for some undercover slashin, you need the kill skills of a ninja assassin Ninjas want to kill me, underneath my bed Ninjas want to kill me, slice off my head

0:20 (first verse) I play it reckless, fast and loose Have my munchkin checklist, and elvenkind boots I can see it in his eyes, DM wants me dead A lawyer of rules, twisting words that he said Escaped whirlpools, Charybdis and kraken Gaining XP through slashin” & hackin’ Sure, I bust into goblin tribes I kick down doors and murder their wives But a white dragon is a little bit different did no planning, I rush in all belligerent I'm turned to ice, my reflexes slowed I'm failed by the dice and my airship explodes Fall through the sky gonna lose ten levels Time to say goodbye I'm about to meet the devil I shatter into pieces as I strike the ground Life suddenly ceases, my final combat round 1:00 (Chorus): DM killed my character today torn up my sheet while my friends all get to play I hide my tears, my grief remains unseen I hear evil laughter from behind the DM screen 1:20 (Verse 2) starting with stacked stats I rolled 3 16’s, Half orc level one with strength 18, takes no shit full plate legit plus my great swords large 3d6 and keen, Amazing min max muscle murder machine, by level 4 i’m a beefcake like you’ve never seen, hard boiled body oiled orc ladies like cobras coiled, to spring on my lean mean slightly tinted green thing, but I keep my armor on I’ve got no time to don, four minute wait for full plate c’mon, I get into battle hastily if you’re smart you cast haste on me, plus my dex is so high my initiative is crazy, my sword point break your bones like swayze, I bask in the blood as I complete my final slash, Is there a battle in this realm that can pose a real task? DM says since you ask, Well here’s the terrasque. 2:01(Chorus): DM killed my character today torn up my sheet while my friends all get to play I hide my tears, my grief remains unseen I hear evil laughter from behind the DM screen 2:21 (Verse 3): I rolled a critical fail in the final boss fight DM pushed me off a rail and impaled me on a pike I asked for a death save but DM just shook his head Lights out unlucky loser you’re 100 percent dead. Back in the OSR taking on Stonehell First level characters, one by one they fell Poison gases, killing all the classes Fighters and clerics sacrificed in Black Masses My half giant monk was trying to do the right thing Against slaver guards with morals quite frightening DM says it makes sense, so nobody questions Abandoned by the party executed between sessions. Sometimes it's me on a PC murder spree Even if you rest I'll kill you in your sleep Living statues punch you in half Follow every TPK with a maniacal laugh 3:01 (Chorus) DM killed my character today torn up my sheet while my friends all get to play I hide my tears, my grief remains unseen I hear evil laughter from behind the DM screen

Attention young wizards. Please remember that doing “the drugs” is strictly prohibited, and can only be a detriment to your studies here at the Academy of Magic. Pay attention or this could happen to you... Well, My undead crew gettin saucy tonight, lickin myconid heads start the weekend off right, Long work week growing new phylacteries now we chillin in my crypt with some witches and blowin ent trees, ray of frost freezes my bag of holding Reese’s Pieces so i've got a chill snack when i get the munchies, shards from how hard these shot glasses are clinking. but i won't stop drinking, wash down the red pill for some esoteric thinking, swallow the toad i'm a psychedelic kingpin, flying is easy but i've never been this high, I just soared past lucy up in the sky, and i snagged her diamonds and then i slayed her quick, ground up her gems and snorted that shit, the highest immortals purchase drugs with our riches, listen up bitches we liches be trippin. We liches be trippin' balls in goblin halls, drink up their souls and leaving mindless thralls Smoke PCP out of amulets of ESP, so I can enter your body and then puppeteer me. toss back ale flagons I buy all my pipe weed from that hobbit Bilbo Baggins Dabs of blue fairy jizz and pixie piss Cross this heady high off my bucket list Death day carousel, ride this nightmare horse, skin poppin', pill poppin' this illithid chorus Chill with Skeletor gettin' ripped on that Eternian haberdashed hashish stash Huffing in a handy haversack It'll blow your mind man. There's no turning back Gots a skull face, meth crystals for eyes, see the folly of man when i look into the skies Mary Jane and Molly what a sweet sweet three way, prolly pretty lethal but i'm dead so pass the yay, when I chase the dragon he gets outta my way, loads his gold in my wagon and wishes me a nice day. my cave has a few trolls and I harvest their warts, I pack up two bowls and teleport to voldemort, horacrux hoarding bitch, a real shiity lich, passed out after two puff snake can't handle my stuff, from here it's not far dimension hop to midgar, i'm gonna make peyote outta a mother fucking Cactaur, underwent the ceremony of night endless so I can eternally view sights of pure bliss. suck manticore face for a venomous kiss, put his stinger in my vein as I clench my fist. inhaling poison such is my addiction every d&d day we liches be tripping. We liches be trippin everyday in our lair no skin on our face, but dreadlocks for hair. Turned my phylactery into an acid sheet. We'll eat my essence until there's nothing left of me. I make special K out of kelpie brain. The k-hole head cavity is filled with cocaine Undeath is a journey but life is a curse We've been psychonautically reimbursed What's your path? I wouldn't lead you astray A deal with a devil or demon passion play Lift your spirits and learn to live like us. A hippy commune dracolich magic bus I'm an eternal wizard with potions and wands Behold this beholder as he sings you a song… Two liches doing drugs but I don’t really care. I’m just guarding the lair. Guarding the lair I got 360 vision but nobody’s there. I’m just guarding the lair. Guarding the lair I got ten eyeballs and an anti-magic stare. I’m just guarding the lair. Guarding the lair

Musky dusty horned beast so husky charges intruders with a rage you must see, all that sweat and all that gore, mixed with wet fur, can’t find that in a store, but i spend my time searchin his maze, baphomets the demon that’s receivin my praise, collecting those scents, rejecting peppermints, only the best man bull shit fits the bill i’m trying to pass gas from a hairy axe wielding ass. I decorated every inch of this labyrinth, it’s my feng shui that gets me laid, the pungent stank of dank virgin ladies, knock em up, eat them up, and then eat our babies, a potpourri of terror, a bouquet of fear a metro sexual minotaur, look over here, my toothpaste base is guts from a chaste maidens waist then laced with the remains of the same maidens face, cause I love the taste. Minotaur musk, smell delicious only the best for us We reek like greek under toga Minotaur musk, our raps are dangerous, cause every ryhme we bust Is pungent with the stank of Minotaur musk assault on your nasal that smell so sweet so unforgettable like rancid meat up in a werewolfs navel,I knocked all the other fragrances off the table,it every female orc that’s willing and able, its every succubus with amazing tits, its every naughty witch with a body like crit hits, one drop in the nose ladies dropping their clothes, airomatic hieroglyphs I bathe in a cave of grey ooze shampoo, roper rock exfoliant with gelatinous cube, foaming formian facial cream acne care, drow noble slaves to condition my hair, prepare a paladin paste, st cuthburts bees never goes to waste, rose pedal witch hazel aloe vera hoof wax foxy village tributes, can’t stop my mack, or I’ll wack you with the back of my hand, like a pimp. Minotaur musk, smell delicious only the best for us We reek like greek under toga Minotaur musk, our raps are dangerous, cause every ryhme we bust Is pungent with the stank of

I’m nautically impossible surviving me’s not probable and even though you grovel on deck it’s not logical cause every ship I see to me’s a shipwreck, and zaratan to me is just a turtle neck, I’ll be the end of your life aquatic, all seven seas until they freeze is my shit, I’m eatin every orc in the pond, every dork is very fond of how i stick my fork in every blonde and I gobble them up I straight fondle the butt then just for good luck I tentacled the gut I have 20 foot mouth so I swallow shit whole, and I follow your ship and i’ll consume every soul, funny long boats are honey bunches of oats, and the oceans my bowl, I’m a solitary sole, I never roll in a shoal never in an atol, nor will you ever see my name scrawled in a scroll, so don’t summon me less you a sexy sorceress, I’m a colossal sized magic ship sinking fish I’m a medieval Ahab, a seafaring nomad Hunting leviathans for my ingredients bag I’ll blanch the bones and I’ll smoke the skin Served on a bed of rice, paired with riesling I got crazy ways that I cut my filets Slice em up, dice em up, bake em in souffles A simple cephalopod eye puree In a reduction sauce of Freeport cabernet Hey, Kraken. I’m sorry. You’re nothing but calamari Leviathan Ruler of the ocean Leviathan Taste delicious - Can’t catch em They call me the Sea Cook, a culinary gourmand I rock the mess hall. My sous chef’s your mom I’m the baker of truth. Primo seafood sleuth The bigger the steak the more waves I make Evaporate the great lakes / for my sea monster cake Dirty dreamboats dine on elderberry fine wine I’m a dietary duke, Devil fish you’re mine You’ll whine and cry as I pry the brains out your eye for my sea serpent pie cause you can’t defend against industrious men Tater tot tentacle squid sauce on rye Come on Levi, What you gonna do then? You know, like Leviathan oh my god, here it is now I load up the spoon harpoon and fire it on down Tentacles are everywhere tearing up the ship cutting off suckers for a dire seafood dip We’re taking on water / half the crew is dead I dive from the tipping mast onto the beast’s head I wrestle open its beak, force feed it leeks some almonds & milk to put it to sleep Smells delicious and kinda lost my grip fell into it’s maw and into the abyss Terrorizing oceans for decades I move with the groove your armada is razed, carp shark and tripe all admire and praise even as I wipe my ass with manta rays, so who’s the big boss of the sea, every giant squid as it grows knows that its me, event nessy locked up and went pee, king tritons fightin posidon, i’m like right on, swim up and get my bite on. All hail leviathan. Leviathan Ruler of the ocean Leviathan Taste delicious - Can’t catch em

Bree-yark, Stab snacker Bree-yark, dark vision 60 feet Bree-yark, Great gun ripper Bree-yark, plus 10 land speed Goblin Warriors roll 500 deep Gonna kill your sheep and then i’ll Rape your sheep My dog cutter slit the throat of Wolfmother When I roll up on my Warg all the girlies heart flutter. They crack our armor then they bust our heads Until our necro shaman raised an undead Judge Dread I am the law Yeah whatever he said, plus we’re Bloodcrazed harbingers of all things inbred our hills have eyes and their bloodshot red goat licker Bree-yark, swamp stomper Bree-yark, chaotic evil Bree-yark, Glob clocker Bree-yark, 3 foot and leathal Arson birthright we destroy the keep Balloon bomb brigade blowin up the street Sneakin kids out while the nanny is asleep Hey let’s go back nanny looks good to eat My little green goblin deep in spiderman’s honey When my pumpkin bombs explode in her face it’s money I’m gonna breed on you mj… Cause that the way that the osborns Bree-yark, Toe bumper Bree-yark, plus 4 stealth Bree-yark, Man cooker Bree-yark, limited health We’re Running money scams at the Wizard bank Gringotts to big to fail its the financial tank Muggle mass murder let the humans hang This is Goblin Town bitch just ask Cho Chang I’m a Ghosts ‘n goblins side-scroll samurai Take Princess Prin Prin and I take your two life Deliver her to satan, underworld alibi We’re Ghosts ‘n goblins bitch why even try I’m The Goblin king making babies cry Dance magic dance, I’ll flay your mind 13 o’clock goblin time my diabolic labyrinthian lies Bree-yark, Moon slaver Bree-yark, Orcs little brothers Bree-yark, Dog chomper Bree-yark, terrible lovers

C’mon everybody roll up yer stats, bring me a beer I trade XP for snacks Yo, take a walk with me through the DMG, and get Steve those snacks, he’s fucking hungry! Tools of the trade d6 for days never underestimate save or die raids Pen and paper miniature war games, mind flayer on your skull sucking your brains PC’s dodging AOE DC’s, min max munchkin multi-class with ease Yeah, I break the bank on my ability scores, dump stat DEX, ah shit moving floors, Races class, elf and dwarf, now they’re all friends, thanks polymorph! I’ll grow up to be a fighting man, or a cleric or a wizard with a magic missile hand Who’s your master? Dungeon Master Who’s your master? Dungeon Master Who’s your master? Dungeon Master Who’s your master? Dungeon Masters guide Who’s your master? Dungeon Master Who’s your master? Dungeon Master Who’s your master? Dungeon Master Who’s your master? Dungeon Masters guide Glass cannon, sleep spell spamming, pestilence, death, me and famine Theives and assassins, true OG bandit, Law, nah chaos that’s how we planned it I’m gonna plane all my mithral in gold, gaming everyday til we grow too old 2000 coppers and 1000 dead rats, jems and jewels and fancy magic hats Henchmen, hirelings red shirts beware, testing loyalty with traps and snares Dying earth, vancian spell slots, arcane haves or divine have nots Illusions permeate underground kids, dark druids dance on the grave of El Cid Wilderness survival then undead hordes, the gygax game is played with no boards Who’s your master? Dungeon Master Who’s your master? Dungeon Master Who’s your master? Dungeon Master Who’s your master? Dungeon Masters guide Who’s your master? Dungeon Master Who’s your master? Dungeon Master Who’s your master? Dungeon Master Who’s your master? Dungeon Masters guide